My depression has come in waves. Over the past 15 or so years there have been good times and hard times, and I've learned that though times may be dark it always gets better. This current bout, however, is clinging to me hard. I fight for breath, I fight to smile, I fight for hope. I fight to get through each day without sleeping it away. Fighting is tiring.
I'm gearing up for another semester at KU and my class schedule is not lining up in my favor. I'm looking for a new job, as I quit my old one out of unhappiness. These may be small things, but it takes only a small thing to derail my day and send me to bed.
I understand that I have much to be grateful for. I have love, friends, a roof over my head. I know that times will get better. That someday I'll reclaim that joy and happiness and cling to it fiercely. I just need to make it through.
This post isn't a cry for sympathy, it's simply my sharing how I'm feeling. I look forward to the day when I can look back and be grateful to not be in this head space.