This evening I had a chance to take my first decent bike ride and I went for it. My (first ever) brand-new bicycle rides great! This girl, however, is seriously out of shape. Patrick, my poor sweet Patrick, was there along with me.
I should have known to keep a short route when, five minutes into the bike ride, my legs began to burn. But alas, I pedaled on. "I'm out of shape", I alerted Patrick. "Seriously."
Ten minutes in I started getting cranky. Patrick is so encouraging and upbeat, and was positive that I had this.
Twenty minutes in, we were biking up a hill and my legs were screaming. Lo and behold, I started along with them. Some of the exclamations that may have left my mouth:
"Did you know there was going to be a hill?! Why did you take me on this route?! I'm out of shape! I need to take baby steps! I'm never biking with you again! I'm sorry. Lead the way. Let's go home. I'm never going to be able to walk again. Oh my god oh my god oh my god."
We made it home.
I managed (miraculously) to walk up the stairs into the house.
I decided to use the inversion table* to help stretch my poor legs and the tears started flowing (that explains the makeup streaks running UP my forehead, rather than down my cheeks).
It's been a while since I've cried. I'm not a crier. But this spring was such a challenge for me intellectually, mentally, and emotionally, and I think it finally all came out.
I don't know how many of you have cried to the point of collapsing, but having dried those tears and taken many shaky but slowly steadying breaths, I feel better for it.
Dealing with depression and anxiety is real, it's scary as fuck, and support is key. I'll keep taking those baby steps towards health, both physical and mental.
Thank you, Patrick, for holding me and being here for me. Again, I'm sorry for taking my frustrations out on you.
Thank you to my friends, family, and coworkers for having faith in me doing and being whatever I wish to be.
I'll hop back on that bicycle tomorrow for sure. Believe me when I say I'll be avoiding that dreadful hill, but I do look forward to the day when I can bike up it triumphantly.
Love and hugs to all!